【Story】I Wanna Commit Suicide for Massive Failure Pain

“I lost 7k dollars and I am in a massive pain”!

The author's post:

Hello everybody, I am new to posting, I read a lot everyday in the forums, but never the opportunity to post. I am a 21 year old student right now and for me making money is pretty much null. However I have been experiencing Forex trading for about 1 year since I started learning a lot.

I would like to tell you my long story, and yes, I know 1 year isn't a lot, but I really trained hard this 1 year and all the end I am pretty much disappointed. I like to post this to hear what you think about and because as I have also read in other posts, it is very helpful for newbies. If you are a newbie and you think Forex will get you rich quick, well it MIGHT start giving you the path, but by the end, the probability of FAILURE is very high if you keep having the mindset of the quick-scheme of getting rich. It is very easy to be making dollars, you are like in a comfortable zone, but once you hit the losing zone... oh man!!.. how painful it is...

So, How did I get to lose even after reading all the psycological stuff, all the “Don't get greedy”, all the “It is all based on managing money and even after experiencing several Losses” and thinking“I am ready and experienced to do this”？

The answer is pretty simple but yet different from the typical. You feel you are special, you think you are different than the others. After experiencing everything, you find new methods and try to be that “special market guru”that after reading the forums, you will finally develop that “holy grail”that you are waiting for, and be the new hidden Warren Buffet.

And yes, after multiple 1k losses of accounts (luckily made), I was making outstanding results, thinking I was the market guru. No joke, I turned from 200 dollars to almost 7,000 dollars in 1 month. And lost it all in 1 day.

I thought about killing myself. I don't know what happened yesterday. I tried to follow a management system, but sometimes in my head was, if I made 200 dollars to 7k, why can't I just double my account in a very good opportunity.

My trading life which started actually exactly 1 year ago, trading was in chinese for me. I didn't understand absolutely anything, however I am the type of person that whenever I want something I get addicted to it, so the past year has been hours of dedication into the markets. As a newbie, I started like everyone else; losing. However I learned about the patterns, indicators, pschological stuff, support and resistance, rebounces, corrections.

Pretty much all the basics.And here goes my first attempt after learning the basics: I started with 200 dollars. Traded some pairs based on basic knowledge. I wasn't doing bad, some wins, some loses. For me it was pretty much gaining experience. However, I started having a major lose streak, and I didnt learn anything about emotions. So guess what？ Account blown up.

Second attempt:

I was in tilt. Deposited 400 dollars. Double'd it. Tried the same thing and lost it all. Same thing happened later on with 1k accounts. However in this last time, I felt I was really experienced, so even after trying to get the“Lucky”money, I really did, and made from 200 dollars to almost 7,000 dollars, However, I don't know what happened to my brain. Suddenly, I thought I had that “chance”of making it and double it, and just couldn't. I knew all about the management, about the maximum of 1% risking. About diversifying and trying to not get too emotional. Even after having that knowledge, I don't know why I still tried to double my account. It was just a moment of pure “rush feeling” and “Just do it” to try and hit the lucky double. However subconciously my mind was telling me: “manage your money”. Pretty much a battle of logic vs emotion. And at the end I lost. For me making money is hard, that's pretty much the problem for me. Making again 7k, means 2 years of hard saving for me. It's not like I lost 7k, oh I learned, let me try again in 1 month. I thought about suicide, seriously, what's the point of suffering？For me Forex was the alternative way of succeeding, since I love it, I love this business, I like looking at charts, and all this ambient of markets. But trying to recover all will take me years and it is very painful.

But, what should I do now after this big pain I am suffering？

Post comment:

A lot of what you are talking about reminds me of myself. I've never been at the point to think about suicide but I can easily imagine how you get there. Making a living, becoming financially independent - these things are very existential and the bigger your expectations the more painful every hit in the stomach feels. So my first and foremost advice to you would be to work on these expectations. They can make you very, very miserable. Especially when they are about such an existential thing like money. Because in the end it's not only about buying stuff. It's about nurturing, feeding yourself and your family and feeling secure in life. You better don't mess with these things by setting the bar so high. If trading and not succeeding at it makes you so miserable it has probably something to do with a more general fear that you need to tackle. My advice to you: find a good psychotherapist to explore this. It will not only make you more happy but also more stable. And hence increase the likelihood of succeeding in this business (and any other endeavour).

One of the most important questions I was ever asked in my life was posed by a psychologist in a seminar. She asked us: If your life would be the same forever like it is now. If you would never succeed in changing what you want to change. Would you still be willing to make this life work and strive for loving who you are and what you do？

I know at first sight this can seem very depressing, especially when your circumstances are really bad and you're so keen to change them. How could you possibly try to love yourself and life when everything falls apart or your biggest or even smallest dreams don't come true？ But I found that finding a Yes as an answer to that question is about the most important thing you can do in life. And it is possible no matter what (believe me, I've been through very tough times and nearly gave up more than once). Are you willing to try to love yourself even in the face of the biggest adversities one can imagine？ Are you willing to set out on a quest to find a Yes to that answer and make it the most important thing of your life？ Are you willing to make this life a success even if you don't make big money, even if you get sick, old and die without having been a succesful trader？ You may say No at the moment, but believe me, you better pick yourself up and find a yes. If there's only one reason to live then it's this.

As for your trading: stop making it such a personal thing (I know that's hard) and treat it as a business. Don't spend money on trading unless you've proven yourself to be profitable while demoing for a certain amount of time (some say at least three months). And work on your expectations and psychology. Stop wanting to make big money as long as you couldn't, at least theoretically, live without it. Because actually you are not only trading for the money, you're trading to soothe yourself and your fears of not making it in life. You want trading to make you feel good and solve your problems, that's why you put so much money into it without having the slightest idea what you're doing. Be honest, would there be any other business in life where you would act so heedlessly？ No, there wouldn't. So stop placing such a big burden on trading and on yourself. As long as trading is just about making you feel good and worth living, you're bound to fail in this business.

Don't make this a 'succeed or nothing' thing. Give yourself 5 years and if in those 5 years you don't become a profitable trader and see no light at the end of the tunnel, stop trading all together and find something else. And don't forget to also find something in life that balances you while you are trading and make this work. Find something that loosens the grip of this whole money and trading thing (my personal advise would be to

start meditating). Become aware that your misery and your frustration are in the end the very things that will keep you from becoming profitable, because they make you act stupidly. Make your first and foremost endeavour not to trade profitable but to stay sane while on your way to it.

I wish you all the best. Whenever you have questions or feel bad or miserable, let us know. I think there are many people here who can identify with you and empathize with how you feel.

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